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A
Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Crying
Along
Comes Mary
Asleep
At The Wheel
The Bad Touch
The Ballad Of
Chasey Lain
Boom
The Choise Is Yours
Coo
Coo Ca Choo
Fire
Water Burn
Go Down
Going
Nowhere Slow
Hell Yeah
I Hope You Die
I Wish I Was Queer So I
Could Get Chicks
The
Inevitable Return Of Great White Dope
It's
Tricky
Jackass
Kids
In America
K.I.D.S. Incorporated
Kiss Me Where It Smells
Funny
A Lap Dance
Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Crying
I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert that
night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love. It had been
a while. In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went since that
midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10. I had picked up this hitchhiker
that was sweatin' gallons through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those
Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops. Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips,
milky white skin, and baby blue eyes. Name was Russell.Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' Well I find it's quite a thrill When she grinds me against her will Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave," this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin' my balls like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock. Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin', 'cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer." Well, she smiled, had about as much teeth as a jack-o-lantern, and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask as I do my little kooky dance. And then she told me to shush. I guess she could sense my desperation. Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl. Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' Well I find it's quite a thrill When she grinds me against her will Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true. So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ is jackhammerin' Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something resemblin' a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus' tummy-tum?" Well, ten beers, twenty minutes, and thirty dollars later I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean. Got to nail her back at her trailer. That rhymes. I have to admit, it was even more of a turn-on when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula. Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' Well I find it's quite a thrill When she grinds me against her will Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch, gave the tranny a spin, and slid on into The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop. There I was browsin' through the latest issue of Throb, when I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton. Well, my heart just dropped. So, I decided to do what any good Christian would. You cannot imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice and polish the one-eyed gopher when you're doin' seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler. I never thought missing children could be so sexy. Did I say that out loud? Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' Well I find it's quite a thrill When she grinds me against her will Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Along Comes Mary
Every time I think that I'm The only one who's lonely someone Calls on me And every now and then I spend My time at rhyme and verse and curse those Faults in me And then along comes Mary Mary Mary Then along comes Mary Mary Mary And does she want to give me kicks And be my steady chick and give me pick Of memories? Or maybe rather gather tales from all the Fails and tribulations no one Ever sees? When we met I was sure out to lunch Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch Sweet as the punch When vague desire is the fire in The eyes of chicks whose sickness is the Games they play And when the masquerade is played and neighbor Folks make jokes as who is most to Blame today And then along comes Mary Mary Mary Then along comes Mary Mary Mary And does she want to set them free And let them see reality from where she Got her name? And will they struggle much when told that such A tender touch of hers will make them Not the same? When we met I was sure out to lunch Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch Sweet as the punch And when the morning of the warning's passed The gassed and flaccid kids are flung Across the stars The psychodramas and the traumas gone The songs are left unsung and hung Upon the scars And then along comes Mary Mary Mary Then along comes Mary Mary Mary And does she want to see the stains the Dead remains of all the pains she left the Night before? Or will their wakin' eyes reflect the lies And make them realize their urgent cry for Sight no more? When we met I was sure out to lunch Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch Sweet as the punch When we met I was sure out to lunch Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch When we met I was sure out to lunch Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch When we met I was sure out to lunch Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch When we met I was sure out to lunch Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch When we met I was sure out to lunch Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch When we met I was sure out to lunch Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch Sweet as the punch
Asleep
At The Wheel
Bloodhounds shall cruise rendezvous Break curfew new trip ensues You never know Bloodhounds just go Pack backpack up for down the road No change of clothes but change for tolls Pack of No-Doz Rolos and Skoal Old Milwaukee Jolt black coffee Sugar Daddy Rand McNally A pack of Jacks those orange Tic-Tacs Glen Miller tracks roll of Kodak The phantom black stacked Pontiac Hot rod dual quads and in the back Is the beat keeper big ass speaker Jumbo woofer rumble tweeter Dial is turned and there it's stayin' The next day where Stern is playin' You got your Jesus on the dashboard but the Devil's under my hood You're takin' it down to legal I'm pullin' it up to no good God is your co-pilot I let Satan ride shotgun You pay a toll to get to heaven but on the road to hell there's none You got your Jesus on the dashboard but the Devil's under my hood You're takin' it down to legal I'm pullin' it up to no good God is your co-pilot I let Satan ride shotgun You pay a toll to get to heaven but on the road to hell there's none Get up you're asleep at the wheel I-95 eight lanes wide Midnight drive take a ride Alongside east coast tide Getting high so am I Bloodshot red eyes from the fumes I consume engine zoom then engine boom Then engine glow erupt and blow And overflow like volcano So far to go but can't turn back though Cheap tobacco cup of black Joe Fuelin' my body jumpstartin' my soul Set my mind on cruise control You got your Jesus on the dashboard but the Devil's under my hood You're takin' it down to legal I'm pullin' it up to no good God is your co-pilot I let Satan ride shotgun You pay a toll to get to heaven but on the road to hell there's none You got your Jesus on the dashboard but the Devil's under my hood You're takin' it down to legal I'm pullin' it up to no good God is your co-pilot I let Satan ride shotgun You pay a toll to get to heaven but on the road to hell there's none Get up you're asleep at the wheel Two four seven truck stop plaza Turn off headlights turn on hazards 3:00 A.M. is when I gazed Eyes glazed I'm dazed and then I fade To black now we're back "On The Road" like Kerouac Down the turnpike high rate of speed "Up All Night" like Gilbert Gottfried You got your Jesus on the dashboard but the Devil's under my hood You're takin' it down to legal I'm pullin' it up to no good God is your co-pilot I let Satan ride shotgun You pay a toll to get to heaven but on the road to hell there's none You got your Jesus on the dashboard but the Devil's under my hood You're takin' it down to legal I'm pullin' it up to no good God is your co-pilot I let Satan ride shotgun You pay a toll to get to heaven but on the road to hell there's none Get up you're asleep at the wheel
The
Bad Touch
Ha-ha. Well now, we call this the act of mating. But, there are
several other very important differences between human beings and animals that
you should know about.I'd appreciate your input. Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a Texas drought Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts Yes I'm Siskel yes I'm Ebert and you're getting two thumbs up You've had enough of two-hand touch you want it rough you're out of bounds I want you smothered want you covered like my Waffle House hashbrowns Comin' quicker than FedEx never reach an apex just like Coca-Cola stock you are inclined To make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Savings Time Do it now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Do it again now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Gettin' horny now Love the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket Like the lost catacombs of Egypt only God knows where we stuck it Hieroglyphics? Let me be Pacific I wanna be down in your South Seas But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean means small craft advisory So if I capsize on your thighs high tide B-5 you sunk my battleship Please turn me on I'm Mister Coffee with an automatic drip So show me yours I'll show you mine "Tool Time" you'll Lovett just like Lyle And then we'll do it doggy style so we can both watch "X-Files" Do it now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Do it again now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Gettin' horny now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Do it again now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Do it now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Do it again now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Gettin' horny now
The Ballad Of Chasey Lain
Dear Chasey Lain I wrote to explain I'm your biggest fan I just wanted to ask Could I eat your ass? Write back as soon as you can You've had a lotta dick Had a lotta dick I've had a lotta time Had a lotta time You've had a lotta dick Chasey But you ain't had mine Dear Chasey Lain I wrote to complain Ya never wrote me back How could I ever eat Your ass when ya treat Your biggest fan like that? You've had a lotta dick Had a lotta dick I've had a lotta time Had a lotta time You've had a lotta dick Chasey But you ain't had mine Dear Chasey Lain I wrote to constrain This letter is my last As your biggest fan I must demand You let me eat your ass You've had a lotta dick Had a lotta dick I've had a lotta time Had a lotta time You've had a lotta dick Chasey But you ain't had mine P.S. Mom and Dad this is Chasey Chasey this is my mom and dad Now show 'em them titties Now show 'em them titties P.S. Mom and Dad this is Chasey Chasey this is my mom and dad Now show 'em them titties Now show 'em them titties Would ya fuck me for blow?
Boom
Yo, Bloodhound Gang and Rob Van Winkle
together on this track. Stop as we drop this bomb Blow up this place like another Vietnam Heavy like a Tyson blow to the dome Back up son give me room give me room To set it off like this don't give it up I'm all up in you 'til you just can't get enough Real hard to the bone you want more? I sneak up on you like a sniper at your back door Phat flavor for your brain you know the time So check the wrath it's for real 'cause I'm gonna get mine Roll up on you like Eastwood Blowin' up fifteens as I'm ridin' through your neighborhood I spreads butter like Parkay Real smooth with the flow and even when I parlay Do what you feel and check the skill I'm in your grill peep this I got the raw deal In your Jeep Cherokee or Land Cruiser When you're rollin' through the hood you want use a Track like this all up in your eardrum So check the E.Q. and let them speakers hum And gets crazy like Prozac Hype enough to start a party and illy as a heart attack Round one round two knock out Straight to your head like my round never lights out Tah rah tah rah tah rah boom dee Tah rah tah rah tah rah boom dee a Jimmy Jimmy y'all Jimmy damn Jimmy yea Gimme the mic Rob so I can take it away Got more lines than the welfare office Are you upset you'll never get to be as clever as this? Spreadin' quicker than your mom have a feel but don't cop it Yeah I stole your beat but that's 'cause you dropped it Crude as oil unrefined but slick I'm gonna get you from behind like a gay convict 'Cause my name ain't Quasimodo but I still got a hunch That like the Jim Jones cult I'll take you out with one punch You're Spiro Agnew and I'm the Dick you answer to You're sweatin' like a watermelon at a Baptist barbecue Sneakin' up like celery yeah I'm stalkin' I squeak like Stephen Hawkings yeah but I'm walkin' Nose to ground so this Bloodhound will sniff and follow it I hope you choke on your pride when I make you swallow it Screamin' like a Mimi when you see me comin' near ya Like a Kenny Loggins' record no one's ever gonna hear ya Like a game of Hide and Seek it's all over if I see ya 'Cause you're yellower than tinkle and you'll be runnin' like diarrhea Tah rah tah rah tah rah boom dee Tah rah tah rah tah rah boom dee a
The Choise Is Yours
You can get with this or you can get with that You can get with this or you can get with that You can get with this or you can get with that I think you'll get with this for this is where it's at Here they come. Who's the black sheep? What's the black sheep? Don't know who I am or when I'm comin' so you sleep Wasn't in my room wasn't in my sphere Knew not who I was but listen here Therefore I ignore I do as I feel inside I live with me I got my back tonight Can I hear a "Hey"? Hey Can I get a "Yo"? Yo You got a hat? Huh? It's for the hos oh Stylin' is creative black sheep of the native Can't be violated or even decepticated I got brothers in the jungle cousins on the quest Deaf retarded uncles in parties where they rest Now you can get with this or you can get with that I think you'll get with this for this is kind of phat If you get with that then you will surely miss 'Cause that is so wack get with this You can get with this or you can get with that You can get with this or you can get with that You can get with this or you can get with that I think you'll get with this for this is where it's at Engine Engine Number Nine On the New York transit line If my train jumps off the track Pick it up pick it up pick it up C'mon Engine Engine Number Nine On the New York transit line If my train jumps off the track Pick it up pick it up pick it up Whoo Where's the black sheep? Here's the black sheep Even if we wanted to the flock could not be weak Open the door you best believe We're sliding through it swiftly Niftily we can make it hip to be What we are 'cause what we be The epitome doo dah dipity Any time capacity was filled tried to rock it Any time a honey gave us play tried to knock it Never was a fool so we finished school Never see us sweat and you'll never see us drool Out to rock the globe while it's still here to rock Don't punch girls and we don't punch a clock Gotta go gotta go see you later by the cat And you can't beat that with a bat You can get with this or you can get with that You can get with this or you can get with that You can get with this or you can get with that I think you'll get with this for this is where it's at Engine Engine Number Nine On the New York transit line If my train jumps off the track Pick it up pick it up pick it up C'mon Engine Engine Number Nine On the New York transit line If my train jumps off the track Pick it up pick it up pick it up Whoo
Coo Coo Ca Choo
Coo
coo ca choo baby you that's what you are You are a Hollywood star you're the high priestess by far And you know this tune's for you we call it Coo Coo Ca Choo And it's a very brief description of the things we could do to you Your body is incredible. You were lookin' at me I was l lookin' at you Coo coo ca choo coo coo ca choo You were l lookin' at me I was lookin' at you Coo coo ca choo now whatcha gonna do? You were lookin' at me I was l lookin' at you Coo coo ca choo coo coo ca choo You were l lookin' at me I was lookin' at you Coo coo ca choo now whatcha gonna do? Oil me up quick Miss Daisy before I'm lubin' up your tailpipe Or the bedposts will be a knockin' and a knockin' 'til the break of light Raised and dazed in a million and one ways Like a Morton's coffee roll I want you hot and glazed You're not the real thing baby you're Parkay you're not butter Gonna have to get you home and lube you up with Fluffernutter Scope it scope it baby lookin' so fit Playin' games and layin' dames you know I know you know it Quick to get the condom you know the Jimmy fits too snug Lean you against the fireplace and ride you on the bearskin rug Chow down my Ding Dong come and sing-a-long Slip a grip around my tip and then you'll be my Klingon Now in my sweatpants you're gonna see my erection Ooh oh pick a de pop pop Perfection Umpla dumpla dippedee do 'Cause I'd never leave the house if Mommy looked like you You were lookin' at me I was l lookin' at you Coo coo ca choo coo coo ca choo You were l lookin' at me I was lookin' at you Coo coo ca choo now whatcha gonna do? You were lookin' at me I was l lookin' at you Coo coo ca choo coo coo ca choo You were l lookin' at me I was lookin' at you Coo coo ca choo now whatcha gonna do? Butter up butter cup did ya really think it would really last that long? My attention span hutches and when you wake up you know that I'll be gone Cocoa butter beach blonde wearin' that thin thong You know I got a thing for you it's only an inch long Pickin' up your signals like you're a T.V. station I'm lookin' for the channel to have immoral applications Lookin' so fine Cosmo behind Fermentation of time like Riunite wine Well I'm bubblin' up and steamin' like an active volcano I think I clogged up all your pipes better get yourself some Drano I get annoyed 'cause I can't avoid Baby sounding like a mongoloid I gots the skills to keep ya busy all night If you do not bite I hope you blow like dynamite Happy Thanksgiving would you like a little white meat? I'll stuff my Butterballs then you can eat You were lookin' at me I was l lookin' at you Coo coo ca choo coo coo ca choo You were l lookin' at me I was lookin' at you Coo coo ca choo now whatcha gonna do? You were lookin' at me You were lookin' at me
Fire
Water Burn
The roof the roof the roof is on fire The roof the roof the roof is on fire The roof the roof the roof is on fire We don't need no water let the motherfucker burn Burn motherfucker burn Hello my name is Jimmy Pop and I'm a dumb white guy I'm not old or new but middle school fifth grade like junior high I don't know mofo if y'all peeps be buggin' givin' props to my ho 'cause she fly But I can take the heat 'cause I'm the other white meat known as Kid Funky Fried Yeah I'm hung like planet Pluto hard to see with the naked eye But if I crashed into Uranus I would stick it where the sun don't shine 'Cause I'm kind of like Han Solo always strokin' my own Wookiee I'm the root of all that's evil yeah but you can call me Cookie The roof the roof the roof is on fire The roof the roof the roof is on fire The roof the roof the roof is on fire We don't need no water let the motherfucker burn Burn motherfucker burn Yo yo this hardcore ghetto gangster image takes a lot of practice I'm not black like Barry White no I am white like Frank Black is So if man is five and the Devil is six than that must make me seven This honky's gone to heaven But if I go to hell well then I hope I burn well I'll spend my days with J.F.K., Marvin Gaye, Martha Raye, and Lawrence Welk And Kurt Cobain, Kojak, Mark Twain and Jimi Hendrix's poltergeist And Webster yeah Emmanuel Lewis 'cause he's the Anti-Christ The roof the roof the roof is on fire The roof the roof the roof is on fire The roof the roof the roof is on fire We don't need no water let the motherfucker burn Burn motherfucker burn Everybody here we go Ohh Ohh C'mon party people Ohh Ohh Throw your hands in the air Ohh Ohh C'mon party people Ohh Ohh Wave 'em like you don't care Ohh Ohh C'mon party people Ohh Ohh Everybody say ho Ohh Ohh C'mon party people Ohh Ohh Everybody here we go
Go Down
Step back 'cause the bass is fuzzin' Bloodhound gang bangs more than "The Dirty Dozen" Alley Oop here comes the slam I know where I stand I'm feelin' like Anthrax 'cause you know "I'm The Man" Yeah I dug your dame but all I did was kiss her But I got to second base with your mom and your sister I'll wipe the grin off your face like I was a can of Windex I threw a right I threw a right was it live or Memorex? Go down down deep deep in and out quick 'Cause I'm harder than Chinese arithmetic Now my fist is in your face 'cause you stood in my way You tried to talk your shit and your ass got paid I get stupid like the mongoloid Corky Welcome to McDonald's may I take your order? 'Cause I'm cold kickin' lyrics like my arm was on fire Like Pinnochio my nose don't grow 'cause I ain't no liar Go down go down to get it up get it up Go down go down to get it up y'all Clap it on clap it off sniff my exhaust 'Cause I got more steps than Baryshnikov Like a pirouette a pirouette a pair of wet jeans You don't understand but your girl knows what I mean So I kicks my rhymes kind of complex A text of intricate words and other spoken effects Like a preacher on the mount teachin' things he doesn't follow When you tried to hit the brake but pushed on the throttle Mr. Goody Two Shoes picture the scenario Your girl blew me as I blew your stereo And I got more bass than a baseball diamond Don't put me on your chalkboard 'cause I'm not down with Simon Sonic boom in your room assume you're not there Booty lickin' nugget pickin' with your dad downstairs Love is just a fallacy I gots more force than gravity I can run all night like an Energizer battery Go down go down to get it up get it up Go down go down to get it up y'all Going Nowhere Slow Got the mic in my hand but can I make you understand That a-hole bands have a-hole fans? Bloodhound's the name and the Gang's to blame Like Chan n' Chin the Siamese twins it's one in the same So "Fame" ain't gonna live forever Never worryin' about dyin' 'cause it can't be any better But whatever happens to happen always happens for the worst And if the worst is yet to happen I hope it happens to you first So hello Joe what do you know? Heard ya just got back from a Bloodhound show Did you do the Batussi or did you do the Hustle? Did you do the Flamin' Waffle or the Super Bowl Shuffle? No matter what you did kid you're gonna be amused If you were not entertained you did not drink enough booze If ya get your eyes a'fuzzin' then we'll get your ears a'buzzin' 'Cause we play around the world you play around with your cousin Bloodhound boys Bloodhound girls Bloodhound noise Bloodhound world Rock on rock on do it dusk 'til dawn Anywhere we go anywhere we've gone Don't matter what state what town what show Hell-bound Bloodhound goin' nowhere slow Rock on rock on do it dusk 'til dawn Anywhere we go anywhere we've gone Don't matter what state what town what show Hell-bound Bloodhound goin' nowhere slow We rock Philadelphia Baltimore Las Vegas Indianapolis Louisville Atlanta New Orleans and Minneapolis Houston Tucson Phoenix Buffalo Tulsa Mobile Albuquerque Wichita and Orlando Portland Portland Salt Lake City Memphis Washington D.C. Charlotte Oklahoma City Little Rock and Milwaukee Cleveland Tampa Norfolk Dallas Raleigh Hartford Cincinnati Boston Nashville Kansas City Chattanooga and Miami Honolulu Richmond Austin Pittsburgh San Antonio Baton Rouge and Anchorage and Birmingham and Toledo Denver Detroit Dayton Spokane Fresno And Jacksonville Columbus Springfield New York Sacramento Los Angeles St. Paul St. Louis San Francisco Madison Knoxville Seattle San Jose and San Diego Jackson Omaha Des Moines Boise Providence Chicago But nowhere in New Jersey that's the only place we don't go Bloodhound boys Bloodhound girls Bloodhound noise Bloodhound world Rock on rock on do it dusk 'til dawn Anywhere we go everywhere anywhere we've gone Don't matter what state what town what show Hell-bound Bloodhound goin' nowhere slow Rock on Hell Yeah Alright now boys and girls, we've got another story for you now. We want to introduce to you another friend of the Bible. Hell yeah If I were God there would be no explicit sex on T.V. Like little Opie eating pie when he made it with Aunt Bea If I were God thou shall not worship false Billy Idols And thou shall add the Book Of Flavor Flav to the Bible Thou shall make fun of Hindus thou shall not make a "Speed 2" If I were God that's what I'd do heavens no Hell yeah If I were God I'd get a bunch of slaves to do everything Norwegian lesbians that feed me grapes and know how to sing If I were God thou shall not wear tube socks with Flip-Flops Thou shall sit and thou shall spin thou shall even wife swap Thou shall resist the Olsen Twins thou shall not cut "Footloose" If I were God that's what I'd do heavens no Hell yeah And when they nail my pimpled ass to the cross I'll tell them I found Jesus that should throw them off He goes by the name Jesus and steals hubcaps from cars Oh Jesus can I borrow your crowbar? To pry these God damn nails out they're beginning to hurt Crucified and all I got was this lousy T-shirt I Can't Believe It's Not Butter I'll sing as I'm flogged Yeah that's what I would do if I were God So vote for me for Savior and you'll go to heaven Your lame duck Lord is like Kevin Spacey in "Seven" With creepy threats of H-E-Double-Hockey-Stick You just can't teach an old God new tricks But would I be a good Messiah with my low self-esteem? If I don't believe in myself would that be blasphemy? Just sport some crummy holier than thou facade Yeah that's what I would do if I were God
I
Hope You Die
You must die I alone am best. I hope ya flip some guy the bird He cuts you off and you're forced to swerve In front of the Beatles' tour bus A Bookmobile and a Mack truck Hauling hazardous biological waste The light turns red you have no brakes And "Hard Copy" gets it all on tape So you can see the look on your face Die die die die die die die Die die die die die die die I hope your Pinto begins to spin Takes out a disabled Vietnam veteran Mows down a Nobel Peace Prize winner And maybe some orphans having Christmas dinner Perhaps even the British Royal Family And the Rabbi that's clutching the bottle-fed puppy And we can't forget the newlyweds And those Jerry's Kids are as good as dead I hope this helps to emphasize I hope this helps to clarify I hope you die I hope your cellmate thinks he's God But C.N.N. refer to him as Bowling Ball Bag Bob Serving time again for abuse of a corpse Only this time the victim's a Clydesdale horse While he masturbates to photos of livestock He does the "Silence Of The Lambs" dance to Christian Rock Eats feces and quotes from "Deliverance" And fights with his imaginary playmate Vince Die die die die die die die Die die die die die die die I hope he grins like Jack Nicholson And forces you to play a game called Balls On Chin And whatever happens next is all a blur But you remember fist can be a verb And when you finally regain consciousness You're bound and gagged in a wedding dress And the prison guard looks the other way 'Cause he's the guy ya flipped the bird the other day I hope this helps to emphasize I hope this helps to clarify I hope you die I hope you die
I Wish I
Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks
If your ass is a Chinese restaurant, I'll
have the Poo Poo Platter. My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed me in Home Ec class Later in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room kicked my ass I said guys I'm like you I like Monster Trucks too Wanna see how many pushups I can do? I just wish I was queer so I could get Chicks dig guys that are Queer guys that don't dig Chicks that don't dig guys like me See I'm not queer I'm too ugly But if I were handsome just imagine how great it would be Incognito as a gay though but not actually that way though pseudo homo phony Maybe it's a stupid theory or maybe just stupidity But if I was a queerbee in the fashion industry Scoring with a supermodel would be easy 'Cause supermodel means voluptuous but also is synonymous with superdumb Ya see I'd be a good listener so she'd treat me like a sister and soon I'd become That trusted friend that cares that rubs her back and braids her hair No it wouldn't take a week before I'm in her underwear I wish I was queer so I could get Chicks dig guys that are Queer guys that don't dig Chicks that don't dig guys like me See I'm not queer I'm too ugly Doesn't matter what I'm packin' in my denim it's what's in my genes The only smoked meat the only sausage I would eat is made by Jimmy Dean See I'm not too keen on the smell of Vaseline No I'm not Princess Di and I don't wanna be a queen I just wish I was queer so I could get chicks Anyway if I were gay I'd have to change my name to Dirk or Lewis Hang out with my mom's hair stylist his name is Kip he's got a lisp he talks like this And wear my mother's lingerie learn the songs of Broadway And appreciate Depeche Mode and avant-garde ballet I wish I was queer so I could get Chicks dig guys that are Queer guys that don't dig Chicks dig guys that are Queer guys that don't dig Chicks dig guys that are Queer guys that don't dig Chicks that don't dig guys like me See I'm not queer I'm too ugly And I don't shave my heiny Don't shave my heiny See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
The Inevitable Return Of
Great White Dope
A is for apple. B is for balloons. C is
for crayons. D is for drum. Like my scrotum here it is in a nutshell. One thousand nine hundred and seventy-two That's the year I got here when my dear mother's water blew Not really realizin' the prize that's been begot to her The bona fide lo-fi high-octane philosopher Genius with a penis the few the proud the me I liked me so much I had to buy the company Soul for sale sold to Satan for a hell of a lotta luck I'm hard to come by like a straight guy workin' at Starbucks Thank the thinkers that think they thunk the thoughts that theorized Idolized or despised bet I'm gettin' recognized Mount Rushmore it? No ignore it can't rock with no big head Half of the people want me half of the people want me dead I am the Angel Of Def with my rhymes against humanity Teeter-tottering between brilliance and insanity The one part the Fuehrer the one part the Pope It's the inevitable return baby of the Great White Dope Conclusions you drew proportions you blew Lost son of Iggy? False bigger nose than Ziggy? True Yes my name is Jimmy Pop no my pop's name is Dick Don't admit to kick it slick you thick derelict critic Put down for missed notes put up with misquotes Don't want the whole story? Should have bought the "Cliff Notes" Like Fingerpainting 101 give me no credit for having class One thumb on the pulse of the nation one thumb in your girlfriend's ass Written on written off scoff callin' me a joke I don't think that I'm a sell-out but I do Enjoy Coke! I struck gold but never took it for granite that's how I planned it so can it Around the planet fans demand it and you'll never understand it When I die no lie plan on mass pandemonium They may display my brain in a pickle jar at the Smithsonian The one part the Fuehrer the one part the Pope It's the inevitable return baby of the Great White Dope One part the Fuehrer one part the Pope The inevitable return of the Great White Dope Great White Dope
It's
Tricky
This beat is my recital I think it's very vital To rock a rhyme That's right on time It's tricky tricky yo here we go It's tricky to rock a rhyme To rock a rhyme that's right on time It's tricky tricky tricky tricky tricky tricky I met this little girlie her hair was kind of curly Went to her house to bust her out I had to leave real early These girls are really sleazy all they just say is please me To rock a rhyme that's right on time I said it's not that easy It's tricky to rock a rhyme To rock a rhyme that's right on time It's tricky tricky tricky tricky tricky tricky In New York the people talk and try to make us rhyme They really hawk but we just walk because we have no time And in the city it's a pity 'cause we just can't hide Tinted windows don't mean nothin' they know who's inside It's tricky to rock a rhyme To rock a rhyme that's right on time It's tricky tricky tricky tricky tricky tricky Huh When I wake up people take up mostly all of my time I'm not singin' phone keep ringin' so I make up a rhyme I'm not braggin' people naggin' 'cause they think I'm a star Always tearin' what I'm wearin' I think they're goin' too far A girl name Tara follows Jared every gig we play Evil dissed her then dismissed her and now she's jockin' Spanky I ain't lyin' girls be cryin' 'cause I'm on T.V. They even bother my poor father 'cause he's down with me It's tricky to rock a rhyme To rock a rhyme that's right on time It's tricky tricky tricky tricky tricky It's tricky to rock a rhyme To rock a rhyme that's right on time It's tricky tricky tricky tricky We are not dumb we don't use drugs but you assume on your own They offer coke and lots of dope but we just leave it alone It's like that y'all y'all 'cause we don't quit You keep on rock shot 'cause this is it
Jackass
Jackass I'm a pimped out Jedi Knight Obi-Wan meets Dolemite Ben Kenobi went and got himself a pompadour These aren't the whores you're looking for Jackass If the Crocodile Hunter smoked weed Steve Irwin burnin' herb in his Jeep Thinks the kangaroos are laughin' at his haircut Used a bowl for that too but If you knew me like I know myself You'd hate me like I hate myself 'Cause I'm a Jackass Got no rabbit in this hat 'Cause I'm pullin' it out my ass Ain't Sigfried or Roy but I could be Makin' magic with the pussy Jackass Like that dude in Tiananmen Square With a six pack and a folding chair Got bombed at the parade and ended up Playin' Chicken with the tanks but If you knew me like I know myself You'd hate me like I hate myself 'Cause I'm a Jackass They could out the lesbian Spice Girl They could try to run game on the O.D.B. They could kick every douche bag off the "Real World" But they won't get rid of me If I knew you like You know yourself I'd hate you like You hate yourself Hate yourself 'Cause you're a Jackass
Kids In America
Lookin' out a dirty old window Down below the cars in the city go rushing by I sit here alone and I wonder why Friday night and everyone's movin' I can feel the heat but it's soothing heading down I search for the beat in this dirty town Downtown The young ones are goin' Downtown The young ones are growin' We're the kids in America whoa We're the kids in America whoa Everybody live for the music go round Bright lights the music gets faster Look girl don't check on your watch not another glance I'm not leavin' now honey no not a chance Hot shot shot give me no problems Much later baby you'll be saying never mind You know life is cruel life is never kind Kind hearts We'll make a new story Kind hearts We'll grab it in glory We're the kids in America whoa We're the kids in America whoa Everybody live for the music go round La la la la la La la la la la Sing La la la la la La la la la la La la la Come closer honey that's better Got to get a brand new experience feeling right Oh don't try to stop baby hold me tight Outside a new day is dawning Outside suburbia's sprawling everywhere I don't want to go baby New York To East Philadelphia There's a new one Comin' I warn you We're the kids in America We're the kids in America Everybody live for the music go round La la la la la La la la la la Sing La la la la la La la la la la La la la La la la We're the kids We're the kids We're the kids in America Oi Oi We're the kids in America Oi
K.I.D.S. Incorporated
Roll the fuckin' tape back and let's try it again. This time more sloppy, like childbirth. Where's me fuckin' bass guitar? Everybody look around hear the sound Somethin' special's gonna come your way We got somethin' new that is true We got somethin' just for you today All around the nation Whoa We're the new sensation Have you heard? Have you heard? Have you heard? We're K.I.D.S. Incorporated K.I.D.S. yeah K.I.D.S. Incorporated K.I.D.S. Whoa Look's like we made it We're K.I.D.S. Incorporated In the city in the street there's a beat There's a feeling that you can't deny All the people wanna move wanna groove There's a sign of spirit in their eyes All around the nation Whoa We're the new sensation Have you heard? Have you heard? Have you heard? We're K.I.D.S. Incorporated K.I.D.S. yeah K.I.D.S. Incorporated K.I.D.S. Whoa Look's like we made it We're K.I.D.S. Incorporated K.I.D.S. K.I.D.S. Incorporated We're gonna have fun K.I.D.S. K.I.D.S. Incorporated For everyone All around the nation We're the new sensation Have you heard? Have you heard? Have you heard? We're K.I.D.S. Incorporated K.I.D.S. yeah K.I.D.S. Incorporated K.I.D.S. Whoa Look's like we made it We're K.I.D.S. Incorporated What? Looks like we made it We're K.I.D.S. Incorporated Alright, where's me smack?
Kiss Me Where It
Smells Funny
And now ladies and gentlemen, here's the
event you've all been waiting for. You came twice last year like a Sears catalog 'Cause your last boyfriend makes love like Boss Hogg Well now you're seeing me but soon I'll have you seein' God 'Cause girl I'll get you pantin' like you're Pavlov's dog Like a DC-10 guaranteed to go down But baby your black box is the one that I found I'll give you the gift that keeps on givin' it won't cost ya any money Then she grabbed me by the ears and said kiss me where it smells funny So down I go like I'm 2000 Flushes I can tell I'm doin' somethin' right by the way that she blushes She's the one that's speechless I'm the one that's tongue-tied She's thinkin' holy mackerel I'm thinkin' tuna on the side There must be somethin' wrong with Al Pacino's nose 'Cause the "Scent Of A Woman" is like rotten tomatoes Yeah I'm snorkelin' for clams it doesn't matter if I wanna be Don't come up for air until you kiss me where it smells funny Drop my face below her waist and stay on third base I can tell that cherry's ripe by the way it tastes Yeah I could make a lot of wine with the yeast I find inside her panties And then drink it while I'm eating out down at the Seafood Shanty Drop my face below her waist and stay on third base I can tell that cherry's ripe by the way it tastes Yeah I could make a lot of wine with the yeast I find inside her panties And then drink it while I'm eating out down at the Seafood Shanty Drop my face below her waist and stay on third base I can tell that cherry's ripe by the way it tastes Yeah I could make a lot of wine with the yeast I find inside her panties And then drink it while I'm eating out down at the Seafood Shanty Drop my face below her waist and stay on third base I can tell that cherry's ripe by the way it tastes Yeah I could make a lot of wine with the yeast I find inside her panties And then drink it while I'm eating out down at the Seafood Shanty |
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